The BeautyButterfly

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This isn’t the first time I have had depression.  I had a bout of it in 2000.  The trigger was that my dad wasn’t here and wasn’t able to meet my husband or first son.  With the support of my hubby I was back to functioning within three months.  My monster on my back is still here after nineteen months and I don’t see a way of getting rid of the huge monster off my back. The trigger this time was a mixture of things – a problem with my back, stomach and eyes along with not feeling happy with my job. I find it a struggle to leave my house on my own – my hubby and three boys need to be with me.   There are certain places such as the doctors and my youngest son’s primary school that I could walk to and from on my own while listening to music.   It took a further three months before I could walk to my hubby’s work to meet him when he finished that was sixteen months ago.   I still can’t leave my house on my own without my music.   I have done ...

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As part of my depression I have developed anxiety and agoraphobia.  To be honest I may have had agoraphobia for some time as I have always had to sit at the back of a room near the door or be able to see out of a window. Every day things as going to the shops or taking my youngest son would make me feel that something would happen either to myself or the house when I left it.   Plans must be gone over twice and cannot change otherwise I will get a tightness in my chest and cannot breathe properly. My house is my safe place – I would rather sit in the house on my own than go shopping or out for a walk.   I have had panic attacks while leaving the house because I have had to go out with my boys without their dad.   A simple change to getting my hair cut because the hairdresser wants my hair wet has caused a panic attack.   I even hate taking the car to be washed as that has caused me to have a panic attack, I don’t think that it kept stopping and startin...