My Struggle with Depression

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This isn’t the first time I have had depression.  I had a bout of it in 2000.  The trigger was that my dad wasn’t here and wasn’t able to meet my husband or first son.  With the support of my hubby I was back to functioning within three months.  My monster on my back is still here after nineteen months and I don’t see a way of getting rid of the huge monster off my back.

The trigger this time was a mixture of things – a problem with my back, stomach and eyes along with not feeling happy with my job.

I find it a struggle to leave my house on my own – my hubby and three boys need to be with me.  There are certain places such as the doctors and my youngest son’s primary school that I could walk to and from on my own while listening to music.  It took a further three months before I could walk to my hubby’s work to meet him when he finished that was sixteen months ago.  I still can’t leave my house on my own without my music.  I have done it and I will admit I didn’t like it, but I had to leave the house on my own as my middle son had an accident at school I needed to take him to hospital.

I am on medication and it is working – I am on the maximum dose. I have had a course of cognitive behaviour therapy and am about to start my second.

My hubby has gone with me to have my hair cut and my eyebrows waxed and tinted – I love him so much because he knows how important these outings are to me and my recovery though he doesn’t like it when my anxiety strikes, and I am crying in the middle of a shop.  They just sneak up on me.  Silly things like changes to plans, having my hair washed when I get my hair cut, to the bus being a couple of minutes later I will be shaking, crying and complaining of chest pain.  All of these I could deal with in my stride and brush them off not now.  I know in the future I will – there are things I wanted to do and achieve.  this blog is one step on the ladder of what I want to achieve.

Location: Birmingham, UK

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