The BeautyButterfly

Had my eyebrows waxed and tinted today by Ellie at Benefit in Debenhams Bullring.  Had my make-up lesson with a lovely person.  Tried They’re Real eyeliner and mascara in blue. I love it.

Sorry Abi Cleeve and Caroline Hirons you won’t like the photos attached to this post.   I had a CBA day yesterday (see feeling low post for explanation) I didn’t put on my factor 50+ P20 went out to meet my hubby and got burnt.   Don’t think I will be using it again as it has alcohol denat in it.   I am quite sure it is not good for the skin. Checked my after-sun lotion and that too has alcohol denat in it.   Why? – is it because I bought it from a supermarket what skin benefit does alcohol denat?   None probably. I love the sun just wish we had more of it.   And I remember to use protection every day.   Then I wouldn’t burn and find my clothes uncomfortable to wear the next day.   I did remember to wear my baseball cap which I do every day it is one of my ‘safety blankets’ that I have to enable me to leave the house to meet hubby. I always put sun lotion on small as he has beautiful red hair and freckles which means he burns ea...

The heading of this post says it all.   I have no mojo.   Everything that I am supposed to do like cleaning my house or face are what my eldest calls CBAs (can’t be a***d).   I am having them more often than I have recently.   It’s horrible feeling like this and anything that I did before to get me out of this funk isn’t working.   At first, I thought it was because having my boys all at home with me.   But it’s not.   I am missing medium and small – the nicknames we have for them though medium is taller than large and small is just small.   Large is due to go back to uni at the weekend and this hopefully will return to ‘normal’ and the other two went back to school on Monday. I have tried walking and listening to music while I walk – doesn’t help.   Bodyblading – doesn’t help.   Reading – doesn’t help.   Watching YouTube videos and the TV – doesn’t help.   I am feeling tired all the time – I think I am sleeping properly. ...

This isn’t the first time I have had depression.  I had a bout of it in 2000.  The trigger was that my dad wasn’t here and wasn’t able to meet my husband or first son.  With the support of my hubby I was back to functioning within three months.  My monster on my back is still here after nineteen months and I don’t see a way of getting rid of the huge monster off my back. The trigger this time was a mixture of things – a problem with my back, stomach and eyes along with not feeling happy with my job. I find it a struggle to leave my house on my own – my hubby and three boys need to be with me.   There are certain places such as the doctors and my youngest son’s primary school that I could walk to and from on my own while listening to music.   It took a further three months before I could walk to my hubby’s work to meet him when he finished that was sixteen months ago.   I still can’t leave my house on my own without my music.   I have done ...

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As part of my depression I have developed anxiety and agoraphobia.  To be honest I may have had agoraphobia for some time as I have always had to sit at the back of a room near the door or be able to see out of a window. Every day things as going to the shops or taking my youngest son would make me feel that something would happen either to myself or the house when I left it.   Plans must be gone over twice and cannot change otherwise I will get a tightness in my chest and cannot breathe properly. My house is my safe place – I would rather sit in the house on my own than go shopping or out for a walk.   I have had panic attacks while leaving the house because I have had to go out with my boys without their dad.   A simple change to getting my hair cut because the hairdresser wants my hair wet has caused a panic attack.   I even hate taking the car to be washed as that has caused me to have a panic attack, I don’t think that it kept stopping and startin...

I have never blogged before this first post, so I thought I had better introduce myself and why I am beginning blogging. I am 42 years old and a mom to three wonderful caring boys (19, 13 and 12) and I have a very understanding loving husband without their support I couldn’t do this. So, in Spring 2015 I was a teaching assistant in a Junior school – loved that job.   I had to have some time off as while backing display boards on my own I caused my back to spasm.   I was diagnosed with bulges on my spine at the base of my neck, middle of my back and the bottom of my spine.   When I went back I couldn’t do some of the duties I did before because standing for long periods causes my back to spasm.   My health both physical and mental deteriorated In Spring 2016 (my body must not like Spring) I had a pain in my stomach and I was constantly being sick – no I wasn’t pregnant.   I lost a lot of weight and didn’t like leaving the house in case I was sick. ...