My Struggle with Anxiety

As part of my depression I have developed anxiety and agoraphobia.  To be honest I may have had agoraphobia for some time as I have always had to sit at the back of a room near the door or be able to see out of a window.

Every day things as going to the shops or taking my youngest son would make me feel that something would happen either to myself or the house when I left it.  Plans must be gone over twice and cannot change otherwise I will get a tightness in my chest and cannot breathe properly.

My house is my safe place – I would rather sit in the house on my own than go shopping or out for a walk.  I have had panic attacks while leaving the house because I have had to go out with my boys without their dad.  A simple change to getting my hair cut because the hairdresser wants my hair wet has caused a panic attack.  I even hate taking the car to be washed as that has caused me to have a panic attack, I don’t think that it kept stopping and starting while we were in the car wash helped much.

The boys don’t plan trips out during the holidays unless they know their dad will be with us as they know that I might have a panic attack.  I love my boys so much and when they agreed to have an iPhone as their next mobile, so I could use the find friends app to track them going to school and coming home it help alleviate the anxiety/stress I would have if they weren’t home by a certain time.  We have agreed that they have an hour and a half to get home once they have finished school.

I admit that I am allowing these things to affect my life and am worried how the boys will be when they are old. This is not the childhood I had planned for them when I was expecting them.