Feeling Low

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The heading of this post says it all.  I have no mojo.  Everything that I am supposed to do like cleaning my house or face are what my eldest calls CBAs (can’t be a***d).  I am having them more often than I have recently.  It’s horrible feeling like this and anything that I did before to get me out of this funk isn’t working.  At first, I thought it was because having my boys all at home with me.  But it’s not.  I am missing medium and small – the nicknames we have for them though medium is taller than large and small is just small.  Large is due to go back to uni at the weekend and this hopefully will return to ‘normal’ and the other two went back to school on Monday.

I have tried walking and listening to music while I walk – doesn’t help.  Bodyblading – doesn’t help.  Reading – doesn’t help.  Watching YouTube videos and the TV – doesn’t help.  I am feeling tired all the time – I think I am sleeping properly.

I know that this funk will lift in its own time and it isn’t as bad as has been.  I don’t want to go to sleep and never wake up.  I want to get better I need to get better.  Maybe that is the problem I am putting so much pressure on myself to be back to how I was that I am stopping myself.

I have a question for you reader – why people say, ‘how are you feeling? or ‘are you ok?’ when they know that you have a mental health issue.  I always respond with fine thanks with a great big smile on my face but in my head, I am saying that it’s a bad day, would rather be at home than here.  If I was ‘OK’ I would not be here I would be in a job that I loved, being confident about how I look along with being capable to do things, and mole hills wouldn’t become unsurmountable mountains.

My family know when I am feeling low because I don’t wear any make-up.  If I am wearing mascara and eyeliner it is so so day.  Full face I am me happy confident enjoying life.

This post has been brewing in my head for the last few days and today I sat down and wrote it.  Hopefully this blog will help me get out of my funk and help others in the process.

Thanks for reading
Location: Birmingham, UK

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